Cold, Hard Reality

Today I had the day off from work and was scheduled to go do my PT test for entrance to the Army. I showed up at the recruiting station about an hour early for our 10:00 appointed testing time and stuck around joking with the other future soldiers till it was time for us to go. We went to a local Air Force base and used their gym to conduct the sit-ups and push-ups portion. They said I ran the mile within the time allowed. But it felt like a failure to me. I'm so out of shape that by the time I was done with the push-ups my arms should have had Smuckers written across the biceps. I got to a point with the sit-ups where my abs just quit like a teenager from their first fast-food job and, at the the end of the run, I was wheezing and coughing like a truck-stop diner waitress with a two-pack a day habit. The cold weather just seemed to suck the breath out of me. I watched the other future soldiers running with seemingly so much more ease than I and even got lapped by the faster guys. It was embarrassing, humiliating and demoralizing. I felt truly old for the first time. And I hated that feeling. Not the getting older part of it, but the fact that I could have done something about it earlier. I could have been more prepared. Didn't even need the wife to tell me that. I knew it when I struggled across the finish line and saw the look on my recruiter's face. I felt like a loser and I'm determined to stop feeling that way in the future. It's one of the reasons I'm joining the Army in the first place. I'm joining to get things done, to follow through on my goals, to become reliable and to change my life. I'm tired of feeling like I'm capable of more yet not achieving that. So while it was a day of crushing disappointment, it was even more motivation to try harder going forward. Yes, I know they'll probably throw me in the fat camp for all the chubby guys when I get to reception, but I'm prepared for that. I just can't gain any weight till I leave and I'll be fine. Looks like tuna fish everyday for me till I ship. Yummmm! (/end sarcasm). As long as I get into the Army and my family's quality of life improves, that's all that matters to me. So perseverance is the word of the day. Just wish I weren't so sore from having learned this lesson. Lol.