The Countdown Begins....

So today makes ten days till I ship. It's crazy thinking that in less than two weeks I'll be having the honor and privilege of having a drill sergeant decorating my face with the bits of food he had for lunch while telling me I'm an absolute failure and the saddest waste of testosterone he's ever witnessed. It's okay though. I'll kind of  deserve it. I'm so out of shape, it's comical. I went for a run about an hour ago and lemme tell you, it was sad. I've seen manlier performances on The View. Although to be fair, they haven't had an all-female lineup since before Whoopi joined. Yeesh. Anyways, back to my girly running. MY running makes Black Swan look like a war epic. MY running makes Dirty Dancing look like NFL training camp. MY running makes Baby Jesus cry like someone stole his frankincense and his myrrh. But not His gold. NOBODY steals Baby Jesus' gold. But it's gonna improve and I still have over a week to get my endurance up just a bit. Miracles are real and they happen every day. Look at Heidi Klum and Seal. They're still going stro.....Oh nevermind. Okay, well how bout Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman??? They're solid like a ......Damn it! You get what I'm trying to say. I can do it. Just gotta pick up my bloomers and keep puttin' one foot in front of the other. This metaphorical girl's becoming a running man. C'mon muscles. Let's Do THIS!